The court makes its decision and then feels it necessary to send in 2 police officers. The guard warns me to stay calm as they 3 are to take me back to a cell. My lawyer makes the understanding that all things considering I’m perhaps feeling quite “emotional”. Enraged I am, to have my boundaries further bulldosed. Upset, at being set up to make a change in this system, that isn’t coming quick enough. And scared, because on one level, in this time-space reality, I am alone, separated from that which I want – to be free and continue making awareness of the climate and biodiversity crisis, with connections to the intrinsic value of forested ecosystems in the solution.
I also know, that jail loneliness is not conducive to wellbeing. So yes, I am emotional, I am motivated by emotion and trying to suppress that won’t do any of us any favours. You can argue with my thoughts, but no one can argue with my feelings.
So they decided, they’re still not willing to let me out without getting my ID. A local address, to which I’d have made a contract keeping me somewhat chained until the final trial not being satisfactory in their opinion, and I may not have originated in Germany so “risk of flight” may be too high.
Well unfortunately I’m not a bird or a butterfly that can easily fly across borders without caring less for a passport, and with this I want to make it clear that this choice for anonymity, apart from acting in our own safety is intended as a motion of solidarity to all those undocumented migrants who are just in search for a better life and are also being treated atrosciously by the authorities. They also forwarn us that “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”
To add to my emotion were the protest chants heard from inside the courtroom & cell, and sight of all the energy that showed up in support, I am very proud to be one of these people that care so much for these issues of imprisonment, environmental abuses, self determination, capitalism, patriarchy & those affected by police bullshit. Thank you for being there and wherever else, negating my fears.
Thank you as well for sending in things, that have been nourishing my knowledge & imagination, all the support has really helped me from climbing the walls in this frustration. People in letters have asked me what do I like to read about, so just to let the world know, since I may be in here quite a while longer, some topics of interest are green anarchy, queer & eco feminism, indigenous resistance, prison abolition, metaphysics & naural healing, science, poetry, comedy, I’m open.
However, a wise person once told me, “it’s not as important the time it takes, moreso the results we get”. I’ve frequently questioned whether I’ll come out of this place more solid or more broken, not letting the bastards grind one down is quite the challenge, but I intend to see them to the bittersweet end, and be better off for it.
The tiny blue grassy wild flowers blossomed the day after I returned, enjoy the spring folks.
Take care, let love rule, ACAB forever,
Ella

Note
As people have asked, smaller texts like journals, booklets, zines can get through normal post. Larger like a whole book I’ve been able to receive just by giving my permission to the sender over the phone in the social worker’s office at F Haus. It has to be sent new & direct from an online distributor. There exists a form to do the same thing which hasn’t been very fruitful, so the first option I would go for if I had a great book idea to send to a prisoner. And of course all books would go back into circulation when I’m released.